Who am I?
by tremwaterz
Summary: What happens if Alois listens to the voice in his head? What if that voice told him to kill himself? Can Ciel save his friend from that voice? Alois doesn't even know who he is anymore. Can a little love really change something this big?
1. Chapter 1

I took the knife in my hand. I slowly rolled up my sleeves, revealing more scars. I took a deep breath and began to paint my arms red with blood. "Pathetic.."the voice in my head said.

"I am not!" I yelled at it.

"Weak..."

"No!"

"You know you are. Why deny it?"

"I...I don't know."

"Exactly...I could make the suffering end.."

"What do you mean?" I set the knife in the drawer and went into the bathroom to clean myself.

"Just one moment...One gun...One bullet in the chamber..."

"No! Shut up!"

"Why are you fighting with yourself?"

"I am not fighting with myself!"

"Look in the mirror..." I looked in the mirror and saw myself staring back at me. Blonde hair, cruel icey blue eyes. "Who do you see?"

"I see...Me."

"But who are you?"

"I'm...Who am I?"

"Why don't you ask your so called 'friend'?"

I looked at my phone. I slowly picked it up and dialed Ciel's number.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Ciel?" My voice sounded more desperate than I intended.

"Alois?"he said,"What's wrong?"

"I...Who am I?" I asked.

"Alois Trancy and Jim Macken," Ciel said,"Why?"

"No reason..."

"Is that all?"

"No...Can I stay the night at your house?"I asked nervously.

"Sure," he said,"You remember where my room is?"

"Yeah. Anyways, bye."

Then, we both hung up. "He only said yes because he feels bad for you..."the voice said.

"That's not true!" I yelled,"Ciel cares about me!"

"Sure...Whatever you say..."

Does he really care about me?

**This is the struggle of Alois Trancy. This is probably going to be only two chapters. The next chapter is from Ciel's point of view. What will happen whe nhe discovers that his friend has been hurting himself? Chapter 2 is based on The Last Night by Skillet. I think that maybe I accidentally decided that my OTP is CielxAlois... I just really love writing for Alois. He doesn't get enough love in the world! Anyways, I won't be abandoning my other fanfic. I just had this idea and I really liked it. So, that's it for now.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Last Night

_You come to me with scars on your wrists, you tell me this will be the last night feeling like this..._

I was sitting in the living room, waiting for Alois to get to my house. Why did he even want to come over? Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. I stood and opened the door. Alois stood on the otherside, for once not wearing his usually clothes. He wore baggy clothes instead of the usual tight fitting outfit.

"Hey,"he said quietly.

"Come in,"I said politely.

He shyly smiled and walked in. His cheeks were red from the cold. He looked surprisingly...cute. The baggy clothes made him look so small and inoccent. "Thanks for letting me come over," he said.

"No problem," I said,"So what did you need?"

"I.."He looked at the ground. "I just didn't want to be alone..."

So he was lonely? I guess everyone gets lonely sometimes. "Come on it's late,"I said.

He nodded and followed me upstairs. I opened the door to my room and we walked in. I laid down on one side of the bed. He slowly laid down on the other side. I found it kind of sweet that he wanted to respect my personal space for once. Wait. What am I saying? Do I...like Alois? No. Alois is a whore. I could never be with him. But then again, he's laying beside me looking all shy and inoccent. Something was wrong.

"Alois, what's wrong?"I finally asked.

He hesitated. "Nothing."

"Tell me."

"Don't worry about it."

This was starting to get on my nerves. I grabbed him by the wrists. He winced in pain. I didn't think I'd grabbed him that hard. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," he said,"I uh have a bruise on my wrists..."

I rolled up his sleeves, ignoring his protests and struggles. There were bandages wrapped around his wrists. I lifted up the bandage and saw cuts and scars criss crossing his skin. I was a bit surprised. Why would he let himself get hurt? Who did this to him?

"Who did this to you?" I asked.

"I did," he said softly.

"Why?"

"Because I'm worthless,"he said, looking away.

Is that really what he thinks about himself? "You aren't worthless."

"He tells me I am."

He? "Who's 'he'?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it," he said, looking towards me and fake smiling,"Just go to sleep."

"No,"I said,"Tell me."

"I...I can't tell you," Alois said,"He said if I tell anyone he'll never leave me alone."

_ "Kill him..."the voice said._

_ "No,"I said,"I care about him."_

_ "But does he care about you? He thinks you're a whore..."_

_ "But...I am aren't I?"_

_ "Alois?" a distant voice called out my name._

_ "We can kill him together..."_

_ "I won't kill Ciel,"I said._

"I won't kill Ciel,"Alois said.

"I didn't want you to,"I said. His eyes were cloudy looking.

He blinked and his eyes refocused. "Ciel?"

"It's me."

"He wanted me to kill you," he said softly.

"It's okay." I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him. "This will be the last night I'll let you feel this way."

_I just came to say goodbye. Didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine. But I know it's a lie..._

Alois gently pushed me away. "Ciel, you don't understand..."

"What is it?"

Tears started to stream down his face. "I...I just came to say goodbye..."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm going to kill myself soon."

"No!" I said,"I won't let you!"

"Ciel, this world has nothing for me..."

"That's not true!"

"You said yourself, I'm a whore and I don't deserve to live."

"I never said that!"

"But you thought it, didn't you?!" he yelled.

"Alois..."I said softly,"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"I know that's a lie."

"Fine..." he said,"I'm not. Go ahead and tell me that I'm stupid for trying to kill myself."

I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him. It was only for a few moments, but it felt like the world stopped spinning. When we pulled away I said, "You aren't stupid or worthless to me. Alois...I...think I love you."

_This is the last night you'll spend alone. Look me in the eyes so I know you know. I'm everywhere you want me to be.__The last night you'll spend alone,I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go. I'm everything you need me to be..._

"Ciel..." he whispered,"Do you mean that?"

"Every word. Now stop treating yourself horribly. You deserve much better,"I said.

He smiled. "I love you too, Ciel."

"Are you still going to kill yourself?"

He paused. "No," he said,"He's gone...The voice in my head is gone..."

"That's great,"I said, smiling.

"Yeah,"Alois said,"He told me to kill you and me both. He told me I was worthless and that I didn't deserve to live.."

"Look at me in the eyes,"I said.

He slowly looked into my eyes.

"I'm here for you,"I said,"I'll always be here for you. Don't be afraid to tell me anything."

"I know, Ciel,"he said, smiling. He leaned forward and kissed me. I kissed him back. He pulled away a moment later. "Goodnight,"he said.

"Night,"I said.

He snuggled close to me. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed the top of his head. Maybe I was wrong about him...Maybe, just maybe, there's a chance for us. I smiled down at him and listened to him softly breathing. Then, I let sleep take over me.

_The last night away from me..._

**Yay! I put up a new chapter for this and finished the story! Now I'll try to work on Possible Love. Because that's the one most people read. I kind of like that one. I just wanted to go off and do some other story... Anyways, I will eventually put up some other fanfics. Maybe some hetalia? Maybe some other shippings for Black Butler? Probably the second. If you absolutely love one pairing in Black Butler, then you can be like "You tremwaterz why u no make other fancics other than CielxAlois? Me no like. Me want (insert request)" I might decide that I want to be nice and do that. I also know nobody I've ever seen types like that. Anyways, I believe that is it for this story! It only took a few days! I don't exactly how many... So that's it bye!**


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